Where for art thou, self confidence?

"Each one of us requires a spur of insecurity to force us to do our best." - Harold W. Dodds

I always say I'm a terrible actress, but I must be a damn good one because there are times where I act confident so well that I actually start to believe it.

...but then comes along an occurence that reminds me just how self conscious I am on the inside.

Let's call it method acting - I want to come off as confident so I tell myself I'm confident and BAM; Hello, confidence. Where have you been all my life?

'Confident Sophii' is like my alter ego.

Now is one of those times where something has brought me back to the starting point... and I was doing so well. My 'acting' had gone to new heights - No, I wasn't cocky. Just comfortable. And now? Oh, that is but a distant dream. One that I'll have to work my way back up too.

Honestly, this process keeps me humble when things are going a little too well. But when the facade tumbles I take it very, very personal.

When I first learned that self confidence could easily be faked I started to really, really look at people and you know what? Not very many people are truly confident in themselves.

Oh sure, they put on a great act. Oscar worthy even, but being a member of this group myself I notice the little things.

A twitch, a sideways glance when no one is watching, a quick fidget - I've come to the conclusion that no one is always happy with themselves, yet that doesn't quell my own problem.

But is this a problem that's ever really solved? I hear people, especially women, always saying that deep inside they're still that insecure, awkward sixteen year old girl.... I really hope they are exaggerating because sixteen year old me is ANNOYING.

And yes... men are just as insecure as women. After living with one for three years and having close guy friends I happen to know this is fact. Maybe not all, but maybe all women aren't insecure either.

I have two triggers that really set off my insecurities - bad photos and exhaustion. If I'm deprived of sleep; I get extremely insecure and a bad photo? Well that's enough to make me cry.

I'm interested to hear what triggers other people....